pinnochio! yes you all seen him. that little wooden doll boy? or a more agressive example, chucky the killer doll. both are the souls of humans trapped in a body that’s not their own. pinnochio gets happy in the end cause he is loved even he is a doll and different from other humans. Charles lee ray (chucky) always tries to get a human body since he gets tired of being in the body he so has as a doll you see there is difference. some accept what they live in, some does not. and we trans humans DON’T.

but this is how it feels for us. we feel like we’re trapped in a borrowed body that isn’t ours. many people has told me that i should be grateful for that i have a body at all. cuz some people hasn’t any body, misses parts or it doesn’t function well. there’s all sorts of people. YET still even if they tell me that, it doesn’t change the fact that it isn’t MY body. i feel like a girl. i am melissa. yet i walk around in the body of the male i was before. in 27 years i walked around in it. but i always been a girl inside.

every morning I wake up, tumble into the bathroom, and prepare for a shower. yes, a shower. and that is the hard part of the day. imagine if you were so ashamed of that said body that you didn’t even want to look at it bare. yes, I shower in darkness due to that. the only light in my bathroom is a small electric candle just so I can see things. and I use sponges and brushes so I don’t have to touch myself. it’s painful, and it creates a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. but it’s hygiene, and it’s as important as anything else. mind you, I also heard other trans humans shower with clothes on, and maybe I’ll try that once.

but for now it’s important to remember do what feels best for you, in ANY way. that’s how i go.

until next time everyone ❤